That One Feeling (Not what you think)

You know that feeling where you feel alone even if you're standing in a crowd? The feeling that no matter how loud you scream no one will hear you, or no matter how fast you run you can't get away? Well, if you haven't, it sucks.
I don't even know why I'm feeling like this.
My life is going great. I'm on winter break, have a great boyfriend, it's almost xmas, not really any hw over break, and stuff should just be perfect, right?
Well, there is that small matter of grades.
Progress reports came home and my told me what I got. You'd think she'd be okay with me averaging a B, right? I am getting three As. But she doesn't care about that. No, it's the three Cs that she's always talking about.
I just had a random idea. Wouldn't it be great to just retreat from the entire world? You couldn't talk to anyone of course, but you wouldn't have to talk to anyone either. Being able to spend your days in peace, meditating and fasting, feeling the rhythems of the earth as it turns. Taking long walks in the woods, or on a beach, or across a plain, or up a mountain, or along a river. That would be nice.
Anyway, back to the whole grades thing.
It really sucks when all of your friends are smarter than you. I get excited because I get a B on a French quiz for the first time all year, and others are dissapointed that they got 2 points off the writing. Or that my boyfriend, who's a year younger, is taking the same math class as me and acing it will I'm barely passing. Actually, I think it might be honers, I'm not sure. Or when the ACT results came back, and my friends sitting next to me were scoring in the 100th percentile, backing me feel bad about my 88th.
God I feel so stupid about saying this stuff. It's dramatic and cliche and stupid.
I'm worn out and tired and weepy and emotional and upset and angry and depressed and excited but too exuasted to be actually excited and nervous and anxious and I just really want a hug from one of my friends.
The holidays aren't my favorite time of the year this year. I wish everything wasn't so goddamn confusing. I wish my schedual hasn't been so fucked up. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of not knowing and knowing too much.
I've got to go do chores now before wrapping presents then leaving for my dad's. Bye. Happy Holidays.